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Marriage Basics: Words Can Either Build Up or Tear Down

Words are extremely powerful. They are message carriers that evoke both emotional and actionable responses in people. If you are newly married or planning to get married soon, here is one of the most basic pieces of marriage advice you could ever be given: watch your words. Words can either build up or tear down. If you are not careful, your words could ruin everything.

It has been said that the eyes are the window to the soul. On a similar note, the words a person speaks reveals what is in the heart. This reality has serious implications in marriage relationships. If couples understood just what their words revealed about them as people, they would probably be more careful about what they say and how they say it.

Negative Words and Phrases

Understanding the fundamental principle of words building up and tearing down requires looking at examples of both the negative and positive. Let us get the negative out of the way first. Needless to say, there are plenty of negative words and phrases to avoid.

One of the worst things you can say to your spouse is, “I don’t think I love you anymore.” That exact phrase, or some derivation of it, is toxic. It may or may not be true, but you had better know what love is before you even think about saying it.

Love is not a feeling. It is not an emotion. It is a choice followed by action. If you are not willing to make the choice and take the action to put your partner first, perhaps you really don’t love that person. But if you are only suffering from a loss of feeling, that has nothing to do with love. Continue to show your partner genuine love and your feelings will eventually return.

Other negative words and phrases include things like “I hate you”, “you’re crazy”, and “you’re just like your mother/father”. All these words and phrases reveal a negative heart toward your spouse.

Positive Words and Phrases

Fortunately, all of us can choose to focus on the positive rather than the negative. Moreover, the experts at Relationships & More say that making an effort to use positive words and phrases can actually turn a negative heart around. Incidentally, Relationships & More is based in Westchester, New York.

The two most positive phrases you can utter as a spouse are, “I’m sorry”, and “thank you”. So many couples who wind up in marriage counseling cannot bring themselves to apologize to one another. And even when they do say they are sorry, they are merely uttering words that mean nothing. It is both sad and unfortunate.

As for the other phrase, thanking your spouse goes a long way toward keeping things good between you. Even thinking them for the little things is important. It shows that you are cognizant of your partner’s contributions. It shows your appreciation.

Other positive phrases include “I’ve got your back”, “I want to grow old with you”, and “I think you’re hot”. These are all affirming phrases that show a positive heart attitude. They reveal that you are thinking good things about your spouse.

In closing, bear in mind that it is easy to say positive things and lie about it. Your spouse will not be fooled. Eventually, the bad words will come out. Either way, your words reflect the state of your heart. If your heart isn’t in a good place, work on solving that problem. Getting your heart back in the right place will make it a lot easier to speak those good things truthfully.

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